Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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