i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
being pregnant is like rehab
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
