People with herpes should wear stickers.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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