Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
