Please don't use social media to get back at me.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
