Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
