I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
