That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
should my penis look like a turkey
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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