"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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