have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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