discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
