I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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