You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
