A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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