Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
