Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
