I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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