I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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