tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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