Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
