I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
