She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
