Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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