Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
