I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
