is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
