okay pat passed out under dana's car
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
