he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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