The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I need a beard to bite.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
