Can i not drive my cunt home
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
