So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
