Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
