im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
