No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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