So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
