all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
