it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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