and my herpes radar will keep us safe
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
