Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
vagina is talking i cant
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize