You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
