Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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