I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
