she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
