So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
