After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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