she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
