I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'm having to shit out rocks
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