Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i came on her dog
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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