I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
