we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
