shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
