Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
