i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
