remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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