Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
So much Jack, so little girl.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
