writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
